Gentle Reminders!!

I find this quote/prayer very comforting! I came across it about 5 or 6 years ago, I remember sharing it on Facebook and writing it in a card to send to my cousin who was going through a tough time but then I sort of forgot about it (maybe because I no longer needed the reassurance it can bring) until a week or so ago. The first few lines popped into my head  and I then consulted my trusty friend - Google- to remember the rest. I'm so glad I've rediscovered it because it's brought me a sense of peace, yes I still struggle (sometimes every day) but I'm trying to trust in the recovery process instead if feeling constantly frustrated by my slow progress. I will get there in my own sweet time, when PND has taught me all I need to learn!!

Xoxo

Gentle Reminders!!

This is definitely something I need to remember!! I'm often too hard on myself instead of showing myself the love and compassion I hope I show all of my friends. I would NEVER berate them, call them lazy or fat, or allow them to believe that they weren't making progress (no matter how slow), so why do I do it to myself??

I'm hoping to make this a regular feature!! I hope you approve?
XOXO

A False Start

As January draws to a close I have to admit that it hasn't quite been the start to 2017 that I was hoping for (in fact I've been feeling a little deflated!)! Instead of feeling the optimism that I wanted to I was feeling tired and fed up of being ill, I'd only just started getting back to normal after 10 days of an extremely sore throat when a cold struck (it was only minor but still an inconvenience). I was also feeling annoyed with myself, mainly for the state I've let my house get into, for the piles of washing that litter the floor, the unwashed dishes and general untidiness (I used to be houseproud but it seems that is another thing PND has decided to kick to the curb). Mum had offered to help get me back on top of it over Christmas but I said no because I feel like this time I have to bite the bullet and do it "All by myseeelf" (hehe, sorry!) and now I'm feeling better I know that I will, no matter how long it takes!!
I've also been feeling very unhealthy, sluggish, dehydrated and like I've been doing myself a disservice. I'd gotten it into my head that I needed to make so many changes to my lifestyle, routine (or lack of) and general thinking but it all felt too much, too overwhelming, so instead of being ready for the fight I allowed it all to weigh me down and then I procrastinated and did nothing (other than forgetting to cut myself some slack)!!
And now? Well after talking things over with my closest friends I'm feeling more at peace! I'm starting to focus on completing one tiny bit of the jigsaw at a time, knowing that someday soon I'll take a step back and be able to see how beautiful the bigger picture has become!! I need to remember that I can only do so much and that first and foremost I need to look after myself so that I can take care of those I hold dear!
I'm once again feeling encouraged to enthusiastically keep plugging away at my goals!!
February - I'm coming for you!!

Comment, share, message me, seek me out on Twitter or Facebook!! Thank you for reading!!
XOXO

2017 - I Think It's Going To Be My Year!!!

*I started writing this at the beginning of the new year but then I was ill, so I'm sorry for the delay*

Well hello there, how are we all? I once again find myself returning from a hiatus but I feel like this time I'll be back for a while!!

So we are now officially in a new year - 2017, and do you know what? I think it's going to be my year, I'm feeling really positive about it (not a forced positive but genuinely optimistic, almost excited!). I'm ready to fight, to take my life in the right direction, to make the changes that are going to get me closer to the person I want to be (not the old me because I know I've changed and so has my life) and I'm going to show PND that I am in control of my life. I watched 'The Holiday' over the festive period and there was a quote I absolutely loved - Arthur Abbot (an elderly famous screenwriter from the golden age of Hollywood, played by Eli Wallach) says to Kate Winslet's character Iris: 

"Iris in the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend.  You I can tell are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend."

To which Iris replies:

"You're so right. You're supposed to be the leading lady of your own life,  for God's sake!

Arthur I've been going to a therapist for three years, and she's never explained anything to me that well. That was brilliant. Brutal, but brilliant."

So I'm going to be the leading lady of my life!! And a leading lady deserves to be treated well, to be taken care of and for me that has to come from within (and from me alone)! I can't keep holding my breath waiting for the hard times to pass or for the weight to magically drop off because that's never going to happen. I have to start being kinder to myself in so many ways. Remembering that I am only human and that yes change takes time but it also takes self compassion and belief (and also a truckload of hard work), I know it's not going to happen overnight but I want to end 2017 happier and healthier! So with that in mind I decided to write 17 goals (instead of resolutions) for 2017 and I'm going to plug away at them slowly, putting no pressure on myself or any real deadlines. Here they are  ~

1. Get rid of E's dummy.
2. Spend more quality time with E.
3. Have more patience.
4. Feel healthy.
5. Kick PND's butt. 
6. Feel happy with myself - inside and out.
7. Be more confident.
8. Try new things.
9. Keep the house clean and tidy.
10. Stick to a routine.
11. Be more productive. 
12. Get more sleep.
13. Feel more in shape.
14. See things in a positive light.
15. Use a gratitude jar.
16. Be more organised.
17. Prepare for Christmas earlier.

What are your New Years resolutions or goals?

I shall be back very soon, I promise!! In the meantime feel free to comment, share or both. Xoxo

My Blogging Birthday!!!

It may have been 2 weeks ago but I thought it shouldn't be ignored rather celebrated! I have been blogging for 12 months (admittedly less so in 2016)! I remember sitting in a lovely cosy coffee shop with a pen in my hand and a blank page in my diary as I wrote my first ever blog post, inspiration had struck and the words just flowed. I'd been thinking about doing it for a while. I'd looked on the wonderful world wide web for support with my Postnatal Depression  (which had been diagnosed the previous December, when E was 5 months old) and although there seemed to be lots of advice, I couldn't find much out there for the single mum! There was lots of "ask your partner to help with the baby or housework so you can rest" But for me there was and still is no partner,  I have amazing family and friends who would both do anything they could to help me but it's not the same as having someone to share everything with!!.
So I wondered what to do and I decide it might help to write about how I was feeling, and why not share it with the world by turning it into a blog! I also hoped that I could possibly help others in the process. And so it began "Just Me And My Pretty Little Lady"
During the last year I have written, rambled and waffled my way through 16 blog posts (17 if you include this one)! I have at times laid myself bare! But do you know I was right in thinking putting my feelings down on paper (because I still have to put pen to paper, or it just doesn't flow in the same way) would help! I do have to be in the right frame of mind (and environment) to do it! Sometimes a post can go in a completely different direction than I was expecting, but it is always cathartic!!
I want to say a massive thank you to all of you who read my posts, comment on them (58 comments) and support me. It means a lot!! So here's to my second year of blogging!! And long may it continue!!! XOXO

Introducing Sophie & Polly!!

Hi everyone *waves*, and a very Happy New Year to you all!!! That little statement in itself shows just how long it's been since I've written a post and for that I am sorry (Naughty me!)! Life has gotten in the way again, work has been busy and at times tough, and as usual I'm finding it hard to stay on top of everything (the washing pile isn't really there if I don't acknowledge it's existence!), so something had to give!! And unfortunately that has been my blog and twitter, but hopefully I'm back for the foreseeable future!!
I think one of the other reasons I've stayed away is because I feel like you're probably bored of me declaring I'm going to change things! Each time I write it I mean it but for some reason things just don't seem to have clicked yet.
I've been trying to focus on self love and taking care of myself. I've even covered a photo frame with post it notes with ideas and reminders for self love - from the obvious - Be Yourself! Stop Putting Yourself Down! To the profound - Look At Yourself In The Mirror And Say I Love You! Be Patient But Persistent! Remember You Are Awesome And So So Loved!
We can be so cruel to ourselves, focusing on the negatives instead of the positives! Telling ourselves that we are fat and ugly! Even turning someone else's compliment into a put down! We should instead be treating ourselves as we would a best friend, with love and compassion! I would never tell a friend to stop being an idiot, that they can't do something because they don't deserve it! I would be their cheerleader, always there with a nice word, to encourage and believe in them, to remind them what a fabulous job they're doing! So with that in mind I have given my 2 internal voices nicknames! Meet Polly PND and Sophie Self Love!! Sophie is a superstar! She may not be perfect but I'd give her an A* for effort! Most importantly she is my friend where as Polly is just a bully! Whispering cruel words in my ear, trying to eat away at my self belief! She tells me I'm not good enough, that I don't deserve to be happy! Polly tends to shout louder than Sophie, drowning her out. But Sophie is becoming more determined to be heard and to fight for what she believes in! So what does she believe in? Me and in my ability to change and get better, that I deserve to treat myself well, that I need to start looking after myself inside and out!!
This time I won't make any big promises or grand declarations, all I will do is vow to try and listen to Sophie more!!
I hope to be back with you again very soon but until then I send lots of love and hugs! I hope you all have a fabulous week!! XOXO

Not Christmas Eve but Birthday Eve!

I wrote this post last night but I was too tired to type it up!!

Well here we are on the eve of my 31st birthday and I can't help reflecting! I think back to my 21st, a lovely party with friends and family!! I was so care free and a little naive back then. Fast forward to 2 years ago! I'd barely got my head round being unexpectedly pregnant , my mind was full of so many different emotions. I wondered whether I could do it on my own! It certainly wasn't living up to the picture I'd had in my head of a lovely family unit, but I had to let go of that image! Something amazing was going to happen on my birthday, I was going to get to see the life that was growing inside me for the very first time. It was the best birthday present, my 12 week scan! It made things so real and gave me butterflies. There was a tiny being relying on me to give it life, love and protection. Someone to call me mummy.
A year later I had a 5 month old with fine, sticky up hair and a gorgeous smile. I should have been so happy but something wasn't right! About a week earlier mum had come with me to see the Dr, I had finally realised that it wasn't normal to be struggling this much! I admitted I was overly emotional, tense, overwhelmed, snappy and defensive but I wasn't sure if it was hormones! He sent me for blood tests to rule out anything else (coincidently I think those blood tests were taken on my birthday)! I felt so disconnected, as though I was in a bubble watching everyone around me living their lives. I knew I should be looking forward to my 30th and E's first Christmas but I just couldn't muster up any enthusiasm, all I wanted to do was cry for no specific reason.
And that brings us to tomorrow (I'll be officially in my 30's)! Yes I'm tired and I've got a touch of Endoftermitis and I'm looking forward to 2 weeks off (after a drink or 2 on Friday night) but I'm in such a better place! They say not to look backwards because that's not the way you're going, but I think sometimes you have to to see just how far you've come! We get so focused on the here and now we don't see that progress! I'm not where I want to be (as I explained in my last post) but I can see that slowly but surely I am getting there! Hopefully by my next birthday I'll have reached that light at the end of the tunnel,  I'll be a happy, excited mummy!! And fingers crossed a skinny minnie too!!
Just in case I don't write another post in the next week I'd like to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!! Enjoy it and spending time with friends and family!! Spread the love!!
Until next time Xoxo